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Humour (Contributed)


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Father to son after exam:"let me see your report card." Son : "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."

(Contributed by Sameer Sen)



An economist returns to visit his old school. He's interested in the current exam questions and asks his old professor to show some. To his surprise they are exactly the same ones to which he had answered 10 years ago! When he asks about this the professor answers: "the questions are always the same - only the answers change!"

(Contributed by Prashant)



TOP 10 REASONS TO STUDY ECONOMICS
1. Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands."
2. Economists can supply it on demand.
3. You can talk about money without every having to make any.
4. You get to say "trickle down" with a straight face.
5. Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out.
6. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.
7. If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".
8. Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward, in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.
9. When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.
10. When you call 1-900-LUV-ECON and get Kandi Keynes, you will have something to talk about.

(Contributed by Natasha Sinha)


Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, Santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa,I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"

(Contributed by Akash Singh)





SOME POPULAR VIRUSES...
TITANIC VIRUS...Makes your whole computer go down.
DISNEY VIRUS...Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
MIKE TYSON VIRUS...Quits after one byte.
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS...Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.
AT&T VIRUS...Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI VIRUS...Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T service.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS...Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
SPICE GIRL VIRUS...Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.
RONALD REAGAN VIRUS...Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
SADDAM HUSSEIN VIRUS...Won't let you into any of your programs.
SHARON STONE VIRUS...Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there.

(Contributed by Sameer Sen)


At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.


A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

(Contributed by Rajesh)


LAWS OF LIFE

* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

* Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

(Contributed by Meena Kaur)






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